The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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