I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
