I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize