that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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