hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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