I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
