3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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