That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
