Say something about gay babies.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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