Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
