Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
