the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
