my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
