I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
