last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
