i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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