When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
