I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
