so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
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I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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