my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
