Duck Duck Cougar?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
