there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You ruined the universe
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
