I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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