She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
