I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
