Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
