I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
