u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
