I cut my penus on the lid.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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