Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
