yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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