fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
