Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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