oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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