I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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