She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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