the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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