wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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