the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
