beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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