Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In other news, I just burned my penis
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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