Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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