Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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