i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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