If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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