In the future we'll all be gay
we have pet lesbian snakes
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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