i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
