Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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