I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
