You really coming over, don't trick.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
