3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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