on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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