I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
