oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
