There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
