haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
