I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
