Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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