haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
