Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
