So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
