He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
