Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
