his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
