Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
