shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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