he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
